Eat Pray and Find Love the Muslim Dating Way

by Raf   Going by the brisk business being done by Clinton Cards in Bradford Westfield, I’m assuming it is nearly Valentine’s Day. So what better way to celebrate than dropping an expose on Muslim dating so controversial, that even Vice of  ‘My weekend with Furries’ fame passed on it. Like Donnie Brasco I’ve been deep… Read More

Why Won’t Hipsters Integrate?

by Raf   While I was listening to Eminem, the story of a struggling white man trying to eke out a living within a reverse-racist black dominated rap industry, with nothing but a handful of witticisms about how craps his mum was I stumbled across the biggest cultural appropriation heist since Europeans started doing Yoga tutorials… Read More

On that summer time fasting and exam timetabling non-story that went viral

by Raf  Why is a progressively draconian government who wants to repeal the Human Rights Bill, render British nationals stateless, which voted to bomb yet another country and who greatly expanded the monitoring of British Muslims, pandering to fasting Muslim students during exam time? You couldn’t make this up, yet somehow our esteemed newspapers have… Read More

A look back at 2015 from self appointed Muslim community leader, Uncle Raf

by Raf  Hope everyone had a Merry white-people Eid; or, as all the Muslim toddlers who have been put through the Prevent programme in 2015 now have to call it, Christmas. Got news to share with you and my handlers at MI5; something only GCHQ knew about until now. Drum roll please (because string instruments… Read More

Your favourite Muslamic Ray Gun inspired hashtags of 2015

by Rafik Ayaz  Tis the season to sip your on trend Chestnut Praline Latte Starbucks red cup, and read about how Islam declared war on Christmas…again. If it all gets too much don’t succumb to your inner Jihadi-Grinch just yet. Like a Christmas pudding of goodness, Uncle Raf’s compiled a list of Muslim inspired hahstags of… Read More

#YouAintNoMuslimBruv is a multi-cultural, multi-ethnic Twitter drag of all those who would divide us

by Rafik Ayaz All radio phone-ins after something ISIS-related: Caller 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5: “Why aren’t Muslims calling in and condemning ISIS?” Me: “Give us a chance, the producer said I’m in a long queue behind callers all demanding to know why no Muslims are condemning ISIS.” So let me as a Muslim pre-emptively… Read More

Do you feel safer from Daesh (ISIS, ISIL, IS) now?

by Raf   Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he heard a Syrian refugee had moved in at number 32. I jest of course; we just solved the Syrian refugee crisis by naming them collateral damage and voting in Parliament to precision bomb them before they even reach Calais. Yes, Britain awakes to the… Read More

Muslims, Muggles and The Sun’s Overactive Imagination

by Raf This week The Sun told us that according to a poll they (The Sun) commissioned, those “bacon-shunning, Christmas-hating, poppy-debating, shamelessly different-looking” Muslims love themselves some Jihad. Case closed, or in movie parlance, fades to black flag with squiggly white italic. Except that’s not what the polling showed, as a myriad of rebuttals came… Read More