Sajid Javid: the Prime Minister who deported himself

Our time-travelling correspondent Raf reports from late 2019, where after the fall from grace of Theresa May following a disastrous Brexit, he interviews new Conservative party leader and Prime Minister Sajid Javid I sat down with Prime Minster Sajid Javid over some Nando’s Lemon and Herb chicken and a side order of coconut water to discuss… Read More

ISIS doesn’t care if your name is Tom, Fleur or Mohammed

by Raf  Please don’t let this act of terrorism be ISIS related, please don’t let the perpetrators turn out to be Muslim. I hope my visibly Muslim mother is okay using public transport in London today. Should I tell her to forego work? She can’t not go though, vulnerable people rely on her to provide… Read More

It’s all “One Ummah” Until a Black Muslim is Murdered

by Raf  It’s all “One Ummah” until a black Muslim is murdered, then in the main, it’s caveats for solidarity and tumbleweed from Muslims who are not Black. Why is it that we as non-black Muslims are noticeably muted in our response to the murder of Black Muslims, but will tell anyone who will listen… Read More

Eat Pray and Find Love the Muslim Dating Way

by Raf   Going by the brisk business being done by Clinton Cards in Bradford Westfield, I’m assuming it is nearly Valentine’s Day. So what better way to celebrate than dropping an expose on Muslim dating so controversial, that even Vice of  ‘My weekend with Furries’ fame passed on it. Like Donnie Brasco I’ve been deep… Read More

Why Won’t Hipsters Integrate?

by Raf   While I was listening to Eminem, the story of a struggling white man trying to eke out a living within a reverse-racist black dominated rap industry, with nothing but a handful of witticisms about how craps his mum was I stumbled across the biggest cultural appropriation heist since Europeans started doing Yoga tutorials… Read More

On that summer time fasting and exam timetabling non-story that went viral

by Raf  Why is a progressively draconian government who wants to repeal the Human Rights Bill, render British nationals stateless, which voted to bomb yet another country and who greatly expanded the monitoring of British Muslims, pandering to fasting Muslim students during exam time? You couldn’t make this up, yet somehow our esteemed newspapers have… Read More

A look back at 2015 from self appointed Muslim community leader, Uncle Raf

by Raf  Hope everyone had a Merry white-people Eid; or, as all the Muslim toddlers who have been put through the Prevent programme in 2015 now have to call it, Christmas. Got news to share with you and my handlers at MI5; something only GCHQ knew about until now. Drum roll please (because string instruments… Read More